My Life Started As A Remote Control

My Father often told me that the reason for my conception was that he needed someone to get off the couch and change the channel on demand. For those of you out there younger than 35, it may be hard to envision a time when you had to do this. These days the hardest thing about changing the channel is digging through the seat cushions without having to move too much. I was thankful that the remote control had not been invented yet, or I may not even be here.

Some of my earliest childhood memories are of me and my dad sitting on the couch together watching a ball game on Sunday afternoon. Those memories are priceless, even when the memory turns to something more sinister, more deviate. During halftime, I would be unceremoniously ejected from my spot on the couch via my father extending his legs and slowly pushing me to the floor. I knew these words were soon to follow, “See what’s on Channel 3 boy”.

And so, my childhood progressed till one day I arrived home from school only to find there was a new fixture in our living room. There it was, a new magnificent TV. I knew right away that this would soon become the center of my universe. I felt a sense of pride well up in my chest because I would be the “Keeper of the TV”, the ” Champion of the Channels”, if you will. The feeling was inexplicable, mighty, overwhelming. In that moment of ecstasy, of triumph, I suddenly was struck by a pain. A pain so deep and searing that I felt as if my heart would explode. What accompanied my new Colossus, a tiny demon made of black plastic and circuit boards. It carried with it the power that I had once so dearly held. Was my life over, has my purpose in life been extinguished all at the ripe age of 8 years old?

I learned something very powerful at an early age, you must forever be prepared to change or you will become obsolete.

Whatever you do, do not pity me for losing my purpose of being so early in life. It could have been worse, I could have been conceived as a lawnmower like my older brother.

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