Obama’s Internet Marketing Reform

I am not sure if you’ve had a chance to see it on the news but Obama has just proposed a reform for Internet Marketing. It’s quite an amazing proposal and one with a tremendous amount of merit.

It seems that there are way too many struggling Internet marketers out there. All you have to do is visit their town hall meetings. Some are held at the Warrior Forum and many others are held on websites and social media sites like Twitter.

There you hear everyday people who find it simply unfair that they have to compete with the likes of Frank Kern, Brad Fallon, Andy Jenkins, Amish Shah and the rest of their ilk. It’s not fair that they reap such riches while so many toil without success.

While politics has it’s Rush Limbaugh the Internet marketing world has its Perry Belcher. He who has been to the mountain top, fallen shamefully off of it, yet is still able to rub elbows with the above referenced, Internet elite. It’s just not fair.

Why can’t everyone have million dollar product launches? Why can’t everyone have top Google rankings? SEO should be shared equally. Twitter followers, giant email lists and CPA secrets should be readily available to everyone. Isn’t that what America is all about? I mean why should so many Internet marketers go hungry when the fat cats out there are rolling in so much dough that they could feed half of Haiti … and probably all of Appalachia?

With this newly proposed reform, the richest 1% of Internet marketers will have to sacrifice for the good of those not as fortunate. It’s the New American way. You asked for change and now you’re getting it. You’re so getting it!

So I applaud Obama’s decision! I support any proposal that takes from the rich and gives to the poor. Seriously, does Frank Kern really need 25 surfboards? C’mon, I wanna surf to!

So on page 923 of the Obama’s Internet Marketing Reform Manual is the real meat and potatoes of the entire plan and it reads like this:

“Our forefathers envisioned an America wherein broadband would be linked from every mountaintop. A Country showered with blessings from the big “G”. Wherein “G” would provide manna for all who would ask. For “G” knows now color, no hierarchy, no different C-Class of Internet marketer. Our beloved Google has opened its arms for all”

Now therefore and hereto and all that crap let it be known that by my seal I declare the following:

1. Frank Kern shall freely and without impediment provide MassControl to all

2. Stompernet shall accept all who want membership..no more discrimination based upon their ability to pay the wages of a steelworker to gain entry

3. There shall be no more product launches in Internet marketing. Why? Becasue they’re all bullshit anyway (but you knew that didn’t you?)

4. Ye shall no longer create videos of Powerpoint slides but rather video will be considered that with actual live people..excepting future Al Gore marketing videos…after all he got nominated for an Oscar…did you Maria Andros?

5. All fat loss products are outlawed…especially Truth About Abs (now that’s an oxymoron) for even Oprah could not conquer that task and with all her friggin money if she couldn’t do it, your stupid e-book hasn’t a prayer.

6. Clickbank shall no longer announce gravity scores. All affiliate marketing products are to be considered equal under the law and the rule of Caveat Emptor shall be suspended, after all can’t you tell by all those commission screenshots that people are making ENTIRELY too much money? Hello Amish am I getting through to you???

7.Wordpress shall be free throughout the land! (ummm…whatever!)

8. The front page of Google will be expanded to 5,000 results. Said results to be changed every 30 seconds. You see 10 is way too few and that clicking to the next page thing is getting a bit out of hand. Besides it will cease the need for the Sandbox and all those “algorithms” you hide. Colonel Sanders only had 39 secret ingredients and he’s doing just fine!

9.Yahoo and MSN shall be merged with Google as it’s way too confusing to be going back and forth and what the hell is a Bing anyway…and don’t tell me to go Ask Jeeves.

10. Seth Godin shall be imprisoned immediately…the dude knows way too much about this stuff and he looks like an illegal alien anyway… and I’m talking ALIEN… and while you’re at it grab Dan Kennedy too..and shave him before you bring him in.. (have you seen that thing?)

I don’t have the time to go through all 1,000 pages of Obama’s Internet Marketing Reform Manual. You really need to see it. If you haven’t gotten a chance to look at it don’t worry. I’m sure Howie Schwartz and probably 1,000 other people will be emailing it to you shortly.

So let’s all rejoice for the chosen one has now reformed the Internet marketing industry and we shall all make money online and enjoy the riches of other people’s hard earned Internet money.

I mean isn’t that what America is all about now? Taking from those who have endeavored hard to earn and become the elite and giving to the cheese curl eating, Jerry Springer re-run watching, un-motivated, couch potatoes who just supposedly can’t get a leg up? Aren’t we all just supposed top be giving a hand out instead of a hand-up? As Americans are’nt we all just supposed to give and give and give….

Bullshit! If you want to be a player in the Internet business, then you have to be ready to run with the big dogs. I don’t want to have Frank Kern give me MassControl..I want to smoke him with my own better product (but Frank if you’re feeling generous you can help a brother out if you want to…)

No, this Country is beginning to stink a little bit. I’m tired of bailouts, whiners, and cry babies saying it’s too tough. That’s why we left the real estate side of things.

I want a challenge. I want to know I need to build backlinks. I want to find a niche and crush it over and over again. I want to have the next big product launch and I’ll pay for my own health care too. I’m not the lion in the zoo waiting to be fed. I’m out there in the wild, stalking you, watching you on Market Samurai and I’m going to eat your lunch!

Hey Obama…keep your friggin handouts…save them for an Internet marketer who can’t hack it…they’re going to need it.

So what kindof Internet marketer are you? Going to hang around bitching on some forum wondering why you’re ebook on Liver Seasoning didn’t sell or are you going to get out there and kick some niche marketing ass?

The choice is yours. Quit whining and take some action to secure your own future in this business. It’s still anybody’s game.

So Amish, Frank, Perry and the rest…let this be a warning. I’m coming for ya. I know my work is cut out for me…but I’m coming for ya nonetheless. And I’m sure you wouldn’t have it any other way.

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