What’s the Best Way to Ask for Referrals? Don’t!
June 5, 2008
If you’re asking the question, “What is the best way to ask for referrals?” that tells me that something about doing it bothers you.
And if it bothers you, don’t do it. Your discomfort will be crystal clear to the person you’re asking, which is probably worse than not asking at all.
(If you don’t mind asking for referrals, it probably comes naturally to you. Keep up the good work and move on to the next article of interest!)
Do YOU like being asked for referrals? I don’t.
When a friend asks me to refer business to her, I feel uncomfortable. What was five minutes ago a friendship suddenly feels like an obligation. If she asks me twice, our friendship may very well be in danger. I don’t want to explain to her why I haven’t referred anyone to her lately (or ever). I don’t want to listen to her sales pitch … again. And, frankly, if I haven’t referred anyone her way, there may be a reason. But I’d hate to lose a friendship over it.
When a business professional asks me for referrals, it lowers my respect for them a notch. Right or wrong, I assume everyone is as successful as they wanna be. So when I receive a marketing letter from my insurance agent or my accountant asking for referrals, I suddenly question his or her level of success and therefore, just a teeny bit, their competence. Where five minutes ago, I perceived them to be a prosperous, crazy-busy professional … now they’re just a salesperson. Ick.
Don’t get me wrong, I love to refer. I’m a referring madwoman when I find someone I believe in. You don’t have to ask me to refer, I’m all over it! Aren’t you the same way? If you have the world’s best hairdresser, dog trainer, chiropractor — don’t you tell everyone you know? Do these people have to constantly ask you for your referrals?
Here’s a better way.
Be a friend first. If not a friend, then a reasonably competent human being. Be happy, excited and enthusiastic. Act as if your career is everything you always dreamed of. Practice saying, “I’m a real estate agent and it’s the coolest job in the world!” with a huge smile on your face. Or how about, “I had no idea how much I would enjoy selling real estate, I’m having a blast!” Followed up by a sincere, “How are YOU doing?”
How do you ensure that every potential referrer in your life knows you’re a reasonably competent human being? Make sure your self-promotion materials are professional and error-free. Return phone calls promptly, even social phone calls. Show up on time for appointments and lunch dates. Do what you say you’re going to do, when you say you’re going to do it. No excuses. Dress appropriately. Watch your language.
It really is that simple.
About the Author:
Jennifer Allan is a top producing real estate broker, a published author, a speaker and a trainer. She has written five books about the business of selling real estate, including her flagship book: Sell with Soul: Creating an Extraordinary Career in Real Estate without Losing Your Friends, Your Principles or Your Self-Respect. Her book shows new agents how to jumpstart their career so that they can experience success before they become discouraged and risk being just another real estate statistic.
Jennifer began her writing career after ten years of selling real estate successfully in Denver, Colorado. She was dismayed at the low level of professionalism she frequently encountered in the real estate industry and, with her "soulful" message, hopes to encourage the real estate community to self-correct the negative stereotypes of the profession.
She is a regular columnist at Realty Times and RE/MAX Times, and one of the industry's most popular bloggers. She recently rejoined her former RE/MAX office as a broker associate and is thoroughly enjoying dividing her time between real estate sales, writing, and coaching.
To learn more about Jennifer's books and philosophies, please visit her website at http://www.sellwithsoul.com/.
Before I even read the article and scrolled down to see who wrote it, I knew it was Jennifer who wrote it. I like her approach!
Your philosophy on SOI referrals is refreshing. I recently purchased your updated new book Sell with Soul(2nd edition).